A friends with benefits situation is either an ideal scenario as far as you’re concerned, or it’s the exact opposite of what you’re looking for, but you cannot deny that it is an appealing prospect. Think about it, having a friend who you can have plenty of casual sex with, without any of the emotional messiness seems to be a pretty good deal, and not just if you’re the guy… but we’ll get to that.
The point is, if you’re got a friend around and they happen to be a dash good looking, and certain boundaries are clearly established, you can enter into a mutually beneficial pact that take little time but relives plenty of urges, not to mention stress.
Of course, while not quite being too good to be true, having a friend with benefits (FWB) isn’t an easy proposition, but if you’re looking into it, here are a few things to consider when approaching a friends with benefits, but first, the basics:
1. Who Is It For?
One of the main reasons that such an arrangement isn’t more popular is that a FWB arrangement is meant to be temporary, so it’s best to clearly recognize where you are with your life. A friends with benefits arrangement works best for those who have just exited a long and serious relationship, have newly shifted to a different city or are very busy with work and other commitments to make a full fledged emotional, romantic and time consuming commitment to another person *but still desire to have sex).
2. The Other Person Has To Feel The Same
The only way a FWB situation will ever work out is if both partners agree to the terms and conditions of the hookup, namely no emotions involved. It helps to not take time to grab lunch or head to the cinema together, as that will invariably lead to one of the twosome to develop attachment and then have to suffer the indignity of not being referred to as boyfriend or girlfriend, and not having any such feelings of love or attachment returned.
3. Don’t Settle For A FWB Situation If You’re Looking For The Real Deal
Following on from the previous point, if you’re offered a no strings attached FWB scenario with the girl or boy of your dreams, make sure you can handle being limited to what they’re willing to put into your arrangement. If this wasn’t made explicit at the start of the relationship, things become a lot murkier and communication is required, but remember, if they weren’t willing to treat you as a boyfriend or girlfriend right at the outset, the odds of them changing their mind midway are not great.
How To Pick Your FWB
With the basics out of the way, let’s just dive into how you’re going to know whom to go for. These are the essentials to keep in mind:
1. Seek Out A Career Oriented Friend
This one is a no-brainer. Look out from amongst friends and acquaintances the person who seems to be the busiest with work and all that goes with it, the type who is looking to make a name for themselves, and fast. This kind of person is generally seen chatting away in whatever free time they get of how hectic work seems to be and how they have no time to go on dates.
2. Don’t Say Anything To Anyone
Most people, but especially women, will run far away from you if they learn through common friends or anyone else, your intentions of pursuing such a arrangement. The key to a FWB scenario is that there is little stress involved for both parties, only stress relief, but no woman wants to be viewed as easy or promiscuous.
3. Convince Single Friends Of It’s Benefits
Another way to enter into a FWB scenario is by convincing single friends of how sapping conventional, romantic relationships are. You can talk about the possibility of heartbreak, the expensive dinners and dates and even the fact that “someone special” is an illusion built into our minds. Talk of how excellent a relationship that was only about sex would be, and use all of the knowledge you have about their past dating endeavors and spin it negatively.
4. Target Newly Single Friendship
Okay, so this one is an even more underhanded tactic than the previous one, but all’s fair in love… err, sex and war, isn’t it? The morally conscious can look away if they want. Targeting a newly single friend gives them a chance to move on from their ex, and for you to get frequent casual sex. Be careful though, if they become too clingy or emotional, it’s time to call it off.
5. Make Them Jealous
Approach your desired FWB target and talk about how you’d like to start a no-commitment thing with their friend. Chances are they’ll be intrigued and ask “why them?” Answer by saying that “they remind me of you, but it’s not like you’d be interested” and see what happens. Even if they don’t ask, there’s every chance that their competitive nature will see that they want to be your FWB, and not anyone else.
Meet friend. Pick up drinks. Go back to your place (if you’re friends, this shouldn’t be hard) and start doing some shots. During the course of the night, move in for the kill and see what happens. If you get shot down, blame the alcohol, if they regret it the next morning, blame the alcohol, and if the both of you discover that you’re pefectly suited to this kind of thing. Well…