Ah, the age old ‘is it love or infatuation’ confusion. How do you know the difference between love and infatuation? How do you tell them apart? Is there even a way to tell them apart? Goddamn movies that seem so sure, that love is supposed to feel a certain way, you’ve had enough of them. Until the next one at least.
The Difference Between Love And Infatuation
You really like this person, you are attracted to him/her. Whether it is for keeps, you will know in time. That heart rate that shoots up around them, it’s a good thing to feel, whether it’s attraction or romance or infatuation or love. It’s a very important emotion in a relationship. Hold on to that. For now, it’s a good start.
The “I Just Knew” Part
I’m very intrigued when I hear people say, “I saw him/her and I just knew.” How did they? I’ve known my husband a long time, we had a dramatic courtship before we decided to take the plunge and yet on the wedding day, I didn’t ‘just know’. He was at that point, one of my best friends (we’ve managed to keep our friendship; our sanity though, the lesser said the better).
He was and still is the person I run to, for everything. I love him. I can say that now. I thought I loved him when I married him, but I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. Now I can say it, and confidently. But that still leaves a lot of blank spaces and questions about the difference between love and infatuation for you though, right?
Attraction. Romance. The Family.
I think all that we feel at the budding stages of a relationship, all that anticipation, blushes, heady rush and all that – it’s attraction. I’m not sure you can talk of love until you’ve started living together and survived each other in the mornings. Until you’ve fought over household chores, expenses and cooking.
Love is what will hold it together, when one of you goes through a personal loss or a sibling’s health scare. Infatuation won’t have the patience to deal with all that drama. The dinners, movies, endless talks about beliefs, and aspirations. That’s romance. It’s beautiful. And if you are lucky, you will figure out a way to retain it in your relationship. But a relationship isn’t just the both of you but involves families, extended families and their dramatically different views. To talk of love when it’s just the both of you is easy. You can’t really tell if it is, till you have had the taste of unwarranted and inappropriate relationship advice.
And children? You won’t really understand love and partnership like you will, when you have a tiny human being constantly in need of your attention. And no, I’m not talking about maternal/paternal love. I’m talking about the love that will sit quietly on the couch, between the both of you, while you each do your own thing, or watch the rerun of a sitcom, after the kids fall asleep.
Beyond The Tinted Glass Phase
Love comes much later in a relationship, the emotions that keep you together post the tinted glass phase, that’s love! Until then, hold onto the romance and see if you survive the ride to talk about love.
You can either think like me or just be like the husband (mine of course), and say ‘when it doesn’t work out, people call it infatuation.’ Yes, I’m married to the man that mouthed that sentence and I love him, sometimes for it and sometimes in spite of it. And I can I say it now.
But that’s just me and my story and my logic. We all need to find our own definition and logic (or lack of it) I guess. Because the only logic when it comes to the difference between love and infatuation is that there really isn’t one. Or is there?!