The conventional wisdom of 21st century leans on the argument that in order to have love in marriage you need to first fall in love. In spite of the popular opinion though, arranged marriages have seen substantial success in India, despite its ‘forced marriage’ perception. In 2012, Mumbai High Court noted that divorce rates are higher in love marriage while a survey by Taj Group of Hotels in 2013 found that 75% Indians still prefer getting hitched the good old arranged way.
So if an arranged marriage actually works, how long does it take for the partners to fall in love in an arranged marriage?
There is no formula that can give you a definite answer, and there are certain conditions and pre-conditions that can ensure you fall in love at lightning speed. Therefore, in this article we list down the 11 factors that can best ensure you fall in love as soon as possible in an arranged marriage. Some of these are spontaneous, while some can be under your control. Here we go.
1. You Had ‘Arranged Dating’
This is THE best way of ensuring that you are in love in an arranged marriage, with your to-be life partner, before you actually tie the knot. Arranged dating is usually the dates you go on during the phase that lies between your engagement and wedding or once your wedding is fixed. Since it is an arranged marriage, you have full consent of your family members and therefore you can feel at ease yet secure when on such dates. In case you are someone planning to tie the knot soon, you can request for an ‘engagement-wedding’ combo so that you have some time in between to know your partner well and maybe discuss post-marriage things as well.
2. You Speak Your Heart Out To Your Life Partner
You have no qualms about sharing your shady past because you believe your spouse has all the right to know it. At the same time, you don’t pester your other half for their back story, rather you let things go with the flow. This is a hallmark of a successful marriage, which is made of two individuals that trust (more about this later) and love each other. Be transparent, speak your heart out, share your wild thoughts, and you will realise you have developed enough love to fool everyone around to believe you had a mushy love marriage.
3. You Share The Same Passion
This should be the ticket to love in an arranged marriage, and followed up matrimonial bliss since you both are on the same page. If she is into rock-climbing and you remotely endorse it, then it is time you cultivate that hobby as well so that you can strike a common note with her. Sharing the same passion is definitely going to bring you closer, eventually making you fall for each other. But it is always not necessary that you need to be compatible in terms of likes and dislikes. Read the next point for more.
4. You Dedicate Time For Each Other’s Hobbies
Instead of putting up a display of how much you loathe some of your partner’s hobbies, spend time and effort in adopting them yourself. If he loves video games, pick up the controller and ask him to teach you how to play. You will just seal your place in his heart forever, girl! Even a subtle display of approval to your partner’s interest(s) is the best way to fall in love in an arranged marriage, since you are still figuring out each other.
5. From Life Partners To Business Partners
So you have a passion and plan to monetise it? Why not take your spouse as a business partner? Sharing money matters, especially as sensitive as that in business, elevates the level of trust between partners. In espoused couples, trust can quickly manifest into infatuation, which (no surprises!) will make you trust that person in ALL matters pertaining to your life, thus making you fall in love in an arranged marriage. If you had an arranged marriage, and plan a business, bring your partner aboard. Your boardroom togetherness will eventually earn you amazing brownie points in the bedroom!
6. You Give Each Other Independence
It’s great to do rock-climbing and gaming together, but no one needs a clingy life partner. In fact, the most loving relationships are of the partners who give some ‘separate and away’ time to each other with honour and respect. Remember, you are two individuals who have your very own social circles and obligations. Letting your partner have his/her ME time is best way to make your love stronger. Your relationship will then be like the two ends of rubber band, the farther they stretch, the stronger they come back towards each other.
7. You Eat Together, You Get High Together!
A study published in The Journals of Gerontology in July 2016, shared that married couples who drink together stay happier with their marriages. Interestingly, the study also found out that if one of the couple is sober while the other is not, that marriage immediately showed a surge in the level of dissatisfaction. Moral of the story? The couple who do key fundamental tasks of married life together bond better, eventually cementing their love far sooner. Remember, sleeping on the drawing room couch or eating at different times may seem trivial, but over a period of time it can dent your love in an arranged marriage.
8. Trust And Mutual Respect Is At The Core Of Your Relationship
You see each other from the corner of the eye just to keep a watch on each other? Now that’s lack of trust and respect. Trust should be an element constituting the bond between you both, and trust itself must be supported by mutual respect if you want love in an arranged marriage. Arranged marriages are infamous for scenarios where the husband forcibly avails his ‘husband rights’, while the wife always has the ‘who was she?’ question on the tip of her tongue. Make it a point to never discount or downgrade your respect and trust for each other, which will eventually form the basis of your mutual love.
9. You Face Good Times And Bad Times Alike
It’s about holding your hands firmly to face that heavy gust of wind together. It is an analogy to the fact that marriage is not always about a bed of roses, it is also about those thorns you will encounter along the way. Being that supportive pillar to your partner is what will define your level of love towards your significant half, since you are life partners. To put that in a nutshell, it is about being together, always for each other, which will make your love in an arranged marriage stronger and stronger.
10. Learn Things And Help Each Other
You lend a helping hand to your spouse with zeal and alacrity, and you will have your partner more than impressed; absolutely flattered maybe. It will also justify your tag of being a true loving life partner, and not just someone thrown into a realm of matrimony because it was all ‘arranged.’ Bring some love to your honey, and you will realise that you just brought a perception shift in the drab image of arranged marriage.
11. You Invest Quality Time To Understand Each Other
This is a point that captures the crux of falling in love in an arranged marriage. Unlike a love marriage, in an arranged marriage you jump straight to the culmination point of a relationship, which is tying the knot to legally live together. Because of this, couples often do not have ample time to go through all those stages of relationship, which otherwise people who date and fall in love go through. But it does not mean you have to relinquish yourself from all the cool stuff people in relationships go through. In fact, you can start right from where you would have started in a general relationship by getting to know each other first. Best way to do that is to treat your arranged marriage as a live-in relationship where you are figuring out your partner without all the risks of losing each other. You can spend some quality time to observe, decipher and understand each other over a period of time. Eventually, you realise you have developed a fresh perspective towards your affiliation. This also makes a great way to shed that seriousness and formality otherwise associated with the relationship of a wife and husband in an arranged marriage. This brings ease in the relationship, and needless to say, you soon start falling for each other.
Those were the 11 things that will truly help you fall for each other and break that monotony and boredom of a conventional arranged marriage. Do try them out, and the next time someone calls arranged marriages ‘loveless’, you will surely have a befitting real-life answer. All the best!