Watching your seemingly happy ex with a new girl in his arms is real rough, especially if you’re unable to throw away the one handkerchief he once left at your place. But why is it that he seamlessly transitioned from the relationship he had with you to something new, while you still daydream about getting him back and building the life you’d envisioned together? In our experience, one or more of the following 6 factors has a part to play in answering the “Why do I still love him” question.
1. You Did Not Break Contact
This is rule number one for any relationships where the other person has moved on to someone new, or even when repeated attempts at a relationship have resulted in deceit, hurt and heartbreak. To completely move on and let go of anyone, you must first remove yourself from them, and anything that represents them. That doesn’t necessarily mean throwing away the expensive bag he bought you last Christmas, but calling, texting, and facebook stalking are bang out out limits, no matter how brief the duration. Do not be in touch in any form. Don’t frequent places you’re likely to see him with a new girl in tow unless you have real business there. Just don’t.
2. You Have A Blinkered View Of The Relationship
The relationship that you remember isn’t one remotely grounded in reality. Viewing the relationship with rose tinted glasses removes all of the bad stuff and squarely places emphasis on the happy and tender moments you shared. While it’s necessary to remember those, it’s much more important to remember the relationship as it actually happened, including anything that you didn’t like or that which caused hurt. Do not dwell on it, just remember that it wasn’t all rosy, your ex is just another man with his own faults, and that he wasn’t the one for you, or you wouldn’t be apart.
3. Your Ego
Being broken up with isn’t the only time that people have trouble moving on, the one who initiates the breakup can also have residual feelings of fondness that last a long time, however if you’ve been broken up with, there is a chance that your ego is hurt and you want to win him back to prove a point. Unfortunately, such feelings and any action based on them are most futile, for no-one is keeping score except you. Love is about much more than having your ego hurt and then plotting to have that pain reversed.
4. You Don’t Think You Can Do Better
This is a major one. Maybe it’s the way that he looks so good in a jeans and t shirt, his gentlemanly demeanor (most of the time) or any one of a million other reasons – and they can be good reasons too. However, we’re going to swat this little piece of insecurity away by saying that unless you absolutely conned him, he was with you (however briefly) for a reason. You have strengths, you have capability. If your self esteem is low (a common byproduct of breakups) work on improving that, instead of looking at only that one guy in 3.5 billion to fill a void in your confidence.
5. You’re Busy…
…And looking for a new relationship is too much work. There’s a chance of suffering heartbreak again, over committing, under committing, having your time wasted, and running into some rather, er, different people. Yeah, there is, and your condition is legitimate, however, that doesn’t mean you don’t make any attempts to move on from a finished relationship. Take your time to heal, do what you have to, and when you’re less busy or in a better frame of mind, start meeting new people again. The upside? You meet some real gems out there too.
6. The Sex Was Great
Okay, so this reason is more symptomatic of younger lovers, or even not so experienced ones (we don’t judge, either way). The fact is that even if the sex was absolutely fantastic, which we’re sure it was, you’re judging by a sample size of what? One? Two? And even if that number is higher and you still feel that way, live your life, meet someone new and fun and tell them exactly what your ex did in bed that got you going (maybe leave out references to him, yes) and boom. The moral? Communication is an important.
These are the major reasons why we think you’re still in love with him, and we’re even sure that if you look within yourself, you’ll be able to identify strongly with at least one of them. And that’s okay, everyone can identify with them at some point in their lives. If you tend to disagree, though, or if you think we’ve left out something important, drop us a line telling us what exactly keeps you hooked to your ex, and we’ll do some brainstorming and let you know how to unravel yourself from his hooks.