There are times you reach a point in a relationship when you feel absolutely disconnected with your partner despite considering yourself to be in ‘love’ with that person. No matter how you much you try, you are just unable to bring back the thrill and passion in your bond. There could be countless reasons for that to happen and no matter which one applies to you, one thing is instinctively clear – it is time to breakup and move on. But how to break up with someone you love? Breaking up with someone with whom you have had some of the most memorable moments of your life is no simple task, but if approached systematically, you can achieve it with minimal stress and emotional turmoil, on both sides. Therefore, to help you out here are seven steps to breakup with someone you love.
Step 1: Make Sure You Really Want To Breakup
This means you need to be absolutely clear about the reasons why you intend to breakup. Before you ask how to break up with someone you love, you need to ask yourself why. You should first begin by understanding the red flags in the relationship, which led you to envisage a breakup; breakups are generally a way to make sure your don’t stay with said person. Examine the points of stress in the relationship and introspect and see if there is something you could do about them. Also make yourself comfortable with the idea of living a life without your partner and that you should be able to stay happy and guilt-free for the rest of your life.
Step 2: Choose The Right Time
While there is no prescribed time to breakup, there are always certain situations you should avoid. For example, breaking up at a time when you know your partner is on a flight or breaking up when he/she is neck deep in a financial crisis are some not so good moments. You may think that you don’t love the person any more to care for such nuances, but remember you are a human being and so are they, thus entitling you to show some bare minimum courtesy.
Step 3: Inform In Advance And Meet Up At An Unbiased Location
This is one of the most important steps of knowing how to break up with someone you love. As you may have guessed from the title of this step, it is always recommended to breakup by breaking the news in person. Texting and calling on the phone is definite no-no as that can create vague implications and are mediums which devoid you of non-verbal forms of communication, not to mention it’s a sign of poor upbringing. You can call your partner though to inform them that you would like to meet for a discussion on a very important matter, that it’s a pretty serious one, and not all that good a topic of conversation. Keep that conversation short and sober. When selecting the place for your meeting, make sure it is somewhere you both are comfortable visiting, but not one you both often go on dates, or to hang out. Choose a neutral location like a calm place, a cafe or a park; the place of a common friend is also a good idea as long as it’s a mutual friend and not just your friend.
Step 4: Give The Right Reasons
And, we’re finally here, how to break up with someone you love? Well, be honest when you finally meet up. Have your reasons clearly listed out on your mind before you meet with your partner; also be prepared to explain them out. You would not like the meeting to slip into a slugfest or end up being one of the most embarrassing moments of either of your lives, as much as revenge may be an agenda, attempt to maintain humane civility; you’re breaking up, that’s revenge enough, so enough gruesome for one go. Focus on making statements that clearly convey what you independently think rather than what your partner did, which lead you to think a certain way. Speak sentences that are clear yet as polite as possible. Also, keep taking a note of your partner’s expressions and reactions to have cues for your subsequent words. No matter how frustrated you feel, never be harsh. No matter how much you think you’re the only one unhappy in the relationship, it’s a given that it takes two unhappy people to make an unhappy relationship. Some times an honest discussion helps more than you think, coz if you’re not okay with things, the other person is definitely not either, even if it’s not that obvious, and you’ll need to point that out sometimes to get the ball rolling. The truth works well.
Step 5: Discuss Terms Of Separation
There can be cases where you or your partner might be interested in maintaining an amicable friendly relationship even after separation. If that is the case, then discuss what would be the boundaries of that particular relationship. You would definitely not like to slowly develop the same rapport again which might lead you to get romantically involved in the first place. Those having a live-in relationship can discuss and decide who leaves and who stays. If you are the one who will stay back, make sure you don’t outright expel your partner and instead give him/her ample time to find another accommodation. If you are the one who will be moving out then make sure that you’ve made prior arrangements. If you have any joint financial investments or ventures, then resolve or dissolve them in a legal manner without leaving any loose ends. As much as possible, make sure you both hold your honour, like adults.
Step 6: Bidding Adieu
Finally, you will reach that moment when it is time to see each other one last time, maybe the last time ever in your life. Before this, make sure you both are clear about the reason/reasons you are separating and have completely discussed the subsequent conditions for separation. Since you would not like the memory of your partner pinch you for the rest of your life, make it a point of returning back any gifts or materialistic objects that person had ever given you. You should do this even if you decide to be friends since you would no longer be sharing a romantic bond. Once everything is settled and you are at the point of departure, shake hands, wish each other the best for life and sign off on a good note.
Step 7: Life Beyond
Life immediately after a breakup feels a bit aimless and desolate, whether you’re the ‘breakee’ or the ‘breaker’. But no matter how you feel don’t let the guilt take over. You need to reassure yourself that you took a discerning decision and it was the best thing for you. To make things easier, avoid things or places that could remind you of your relationship, at least for some time. Delete your partner’s number, messages and preferably even the photographs. After all, that is what a breakup is all about. It is starting afresh in life with new vigour and better optimism.