Well, there is no real way on how to know someone loves you, unless they say it explicitly. How do you really tell if someone loves you? Can you even tell for sure? And what about this thing called ‘consent’?Let me share a very clichéd idea – you know when people say that they just knew if a person loved them or not? That could be a possibility. Maybe you’ll have a feeling from your conscience whether this person loves you or not. Your inherent intuition will guide you. After all it’s one of you trusted allies. It should be.
But for the mortals amongst us, whose intuition and instincts aren’t really that helpful, I’ve noticed there are a few tell-tale signs, when you’re in a relationship with them, and some of them are signs of true love. Maybe you’ve been together, dating for a few months, but no one’s said the ‘love’ word yet. So how to know someone loves you? Somethings that a person does, a few exceptions here, a little extra effort there. The signs, so to speak.
1. They start talking about the future
How to know someone loves you? The future, of course! I know, we all talk about the future. We talk about it with almost everyone and especially with that one person we have a special interest in. We do it in a vague and distant way. We don’t do it in specifics. When they start including you in the future, when they start discussing families, financials etc. You know it when you start getting a sense of ‘us’ as opposed to a ‘me and you’ from the conversation. That’s a sign.
2. They pay attention
No, not the calling a million times, responding to your message immediately, taking you shopping kind attention. That’s the initial rush of romance when everything is still new and tentative. That will calm down, and a pattern will set in, in your relationship. So how to know someone loves you after all the early attention? If this person loves you, he/she will continue to pay attention to you long after. I’m hinting at stuff that gives you a headache, the way you eat your salad, what do you like around you, on a road trip etc. You get the drift? They’ll know this stuff, because they are paying attention. You pay attention either when you are scared, or when you genuinely love and care. Get the message?
3. When you meet the siblings/cousins
Family is a big part of answering how to know someone loves you? Family is off limits if there isn’t a chance of the relationship being the real deal. Family is special and sacred and all those wonderful things. Family is also complicated. If someone doesn’t genuinely love you, or see a future with you, they are sure as hell not going to let you meet the family members. Too complicated.
You’ve met the family? But not parents? We’ll talk about that later. If you’ve met siblings, cousins etc. expect love to be doing that.
4. Constructive criticism
Initial flush of romance tints everything about the person in a rosy hue. When that settles, you discover the not-so-nice aspects about each other. When it’s not love that’s at play, this is the time people drift away. You could either fight and drift away, or just gradually grow apart, condescendingly hating each other. Sometimes you don’t even care enough to care about the off putting habits etc. You know you don’t care because that’s not really your problem. You’re not in it for the long haul.
So how to know someone loves you?
Well, someone who loves you will tell you what exactly you are doing that is not high on the appreciable scale. I don’t mean in nagging kind of a way. Something on the lines of asking you to lower your voice when you talk to domestic help or telling you not to judge the person who may have hurt you or telling you that a hot temper doesn’t solve problems.
These are the things you also acknowledge deep down inside. You know the aspects that need work and sometimes things that you didn’t even know. Remember, this is happening because love is in the picture. If there’s no love then there’s no need to even care.
5. You meet the parents
Hello! Why would you meet the parents? I mean, it’s not like you are the Prime Minister or Shah Rukh or someone who managed to save the planet. Seriously though, meeting parents is going nuclear. If this person doesn’t love you, he or she isn’t stupid to take you home. It’s a different thing altogether if you guys are friends and then fell in love at some point. Otherwise, you getting to meeting his/her parents means he/she loves you. No other emotion or reason is strong enough.
6. Ahem. I don’t know… maybe they tell you!
Just putting it out there! How to know someone loves you? If they love you, they’ll tell you. If they are the sorts that don’t articulate, they will show you or at least try to show you in their actions or drop subtle hints either intentionally or unintentionally. And if you still don’t get it, maybe they will go all out and try to articulate.
Listen, there is just no tried and tested method or way to tell if someone loves you. You can only guess. They could give all the positive signals and still not be in love, and sometimes could give you all the wrong signals (with respect to the above mentioned points) and yet love you. Matters of the heart don’t really follow a pattern; sometimes they are predictable and others times you will be shocked. Each person reacts, thinks, loves and eventually shows it differently.