Being a proper legit married couple has benefits, yeah?! You get to do all kind of stuff other people don’t and you’re the most popular meme genre. You get to try out stuff, okay, everyone does, but there’s a lot of other stuff. Like, some kinds of… sex, for instance.
1. I’m Doing My Legal Other Half Sex
This is the one thing you can wave in everybody’s face. You did it, you ran the race, and won. And that shows when you’re doing the dirty too. The sex is a lot more easy, fun, co-ordinated, since you’ve both made it co-ordinate nicely. It’s also way less desperate, and lot less about pleasing the other person or yourself alone, and a lot more about actually having good sex. You know what to wear, how to please, how to work that. And you bask in the glory of it.
2. Special ABC Sex
Wink wink. It’s your anniversary or your birthday or Christmas or the New Year, so you’re gonna have the special sex. Oh, and you get to have sex, on holidays too!
3. Casual Sex
Without getting all sexed up, without the dressy makeup and aftershave, without all the frills and flashy, without having to beg, or leave hints.
4. No-Oral-Mouth-Stuff Sex
Yupe, just a good old banging. Wham-bam and thank you babe. And I don’t mean quickies. You’re both just so comfortable with each other that nothing is a problem.
5. Preggers Sex
She’s like a teenager hopped up on crack and dope and twenty other things, and that makes for a fun sex quotient. Just remember not to poke the baby, coz for the little tyke, it’s like walking in on the parents while they’re doing it, only the kid can’t run away and out of the room screaming.
6. Parent Sex
Remember when last week, Constance Hall told the world about the phenomenon that is parent sex? “You know what parent sex is, it’s that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food..”
7. Sex Once In A Week/Month Sex
So this doesn’t sound nice but it is actually kinda sweet. Coz ya can’t keep it up every day of the week. Specially with work, and Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and your friends, staying online, and later on, with the kids too.
8. Let’s Just Get This Over With Sex
It’s almost four weeks, and you both know you’re gonna get crankier if you don’t get some. But you’re both so not in the mood for it just today, so you just get it over with.
9. Date Night Sex
Once the kids are here, this is your last hope for fun sex, the only time you get to still have a life, until they get older and you both get clingy. So live it up while you can, folks, coz it’s always darkest before dawn, or drunkest before dawn.
10. Ugly Sex
You’re both hairy, and fat, and not in you A-game, and it’s not coz of kids, or the job, or anything else. You’re both just so comfortable around each other that it’s freaky, and gross, but ya both still manage to get it on. Aye aye aye!