You’re a smart, successful girl, and you’re very much invested in the relationship and interested in taking it forward. And yet, despite your best efforts, the relationship just doesn’t move forwards. Sound familiar?
If so, remember you’re not the only one feeling this way, and try and figure out if the stumbling block lies in your partner’s unwillingness to commit or elsewhere. If these 15 things are all too familiar, he’s just not ready to commit, and neither should you be.
1. You Never Hear An “I Love You”
He just doesn’t say it, and when pressed or backed into a corner, he only alludes to it or tries to evade it further. We’re not saying it should always be on his lips, but if the guy you’re ready to commit to has a hard time saying “I love you,” you need to start looking elsewhere.
2. You Never Hear “I Miss You”
Same as above. A guy can definitely remind his girl he’s thinking of her or is missing her without having to do it everyday or bothering her when she’s at work. If those excuses sound familiar, and you almost never hear him say he misses you, he doesn’t.
3. He’s Previously Mentioned How He’s Scared Of Commitment
Whatever his reasons – whether a bad previous experience or work commitments – if he’s ever straight up told you that he’s just not too keen on committing, it’s best to not put that down as a “guy’s trait” or anything similar. He means what he says and you need to start taking it seriously.
4. He Trickle Truths You
Trickle truth is telling you some part of the story while not revealing certain, rather important or pertinent facts. It’s like saying that you went to get a beer last night, without mentioning the fact that you crashed the car too, in the process. Not only is he not keen on not committing to you, you shouldn’t be with him anyway.
5. He Never Introduces You To His Friends
Big sign. If you guys have been going steady for a while, and yet you’ve never met his friends, whether at home or out on the town, then this is a big sign that he sees you as something transient and not permanent. He’s just not too keen on committing.
6. He Never Seems To Have Any Time For You
First it’s work, then it’s his boss specifically, then it’s that thing he had with that guy from that time…. Yeah, no. He’s using you, and if there’s a clear understanding, that’s fine. If there’s no such understanding, and no talk to that effect has taken place, you’re wasting your time waiting on him.
7. He Returns Any Stuff You Leave At His House Immediately
And we’re not talking laptop charger, we’re talking hair band, lipstick and any old clothes that you wouldn’t even know were missing. He’s not ready for your things sharing up space with his, he’s not ready for you.
8. He Talks About His Future Without Mentioning You
He sees himself accomplish that long standing dream, get that promotion or even that job abroad, but you or your feelings about the whole thing don’t ever figure into the discussion – that’s because they don’t matter to him in the long term. You just don’t figure in his plans.
9. He Disrespects You In Public
It could be not wanting to be seen with you in certain places, at certain times, or not backing you in front of his friends or anyone else when it comes to making a point. All are a clear sign that he doesn’t want to commit to you, because if he did, such conditions wouldn’t apply.
10. He Blows Hot And Cold
It’s not hard for guys to figure out if they want to be with a girl or not, especially when it comes to the long term. Sure, there may be something that comes up eventually that may pull you apart, but if he seems to be really into you this week and missing the next, he’s just not that into you.
11. He Never Wants To Compromise
Compromise is a healthy and essential part of every relationship, and if you find that he never seems to be in the mood to make one, then it’s a definite red flag. If he’s not ready to compromise, he knows that he doesn’t see himself with you for too long, and so it doesn’t matter if things sour between the two of you.
12. He Never Keeps His Promise
Everyone has their own list of priorities, and not breaking your promise to the one you love and want to be with ranks pretty high on that list. If you find that he never seems to stay true to his word, no matter if the promise was big or small, there’s definitely no chance he’s ready to commit.
13. He Acts Defensive, Not Curious
If you pick up a problem in the relationship and want to talk about his, and his only reaction is to get defensive and not really hear you out or try to figure out a solution, he could just be absolving himself of all blame or passing the buck onto you. He could be insecure, he could be uninterested, at the end of the day he isn’t committing.
14. He Never Seems To Say ‘No’
Even when the right answer would be to do so. It sounds counter intuitive, but that’s only because it’s harmful to the relationship in the long run. If your man is up for whatever seems potentially dangerous to the relationship, that’s because he doesn’t see it lasting too long. If he just wants to win you over all the time, he’s thinking about the now and not long term – he likes being with you, but you’re not the one.
15. He Just Got Out Of A Bad Break Up
Oh dear. This is a hard one. It can work out if he’s especially sensible, level headed and mature, but chances are he’s not going to make a major commitment, he’s just not ready.